Excuse Letter Diarrhea

Dear HR,

I've just gotten out of emergency services due to the bad salad I ate at the office cafeteria two days ago. I'm suffering from an intestinal infection due to e. coli with high fevers as well. I am going back to hospital if my diarrhea turns bloody. Please be advise I will not be at work for at least three days, as advised by the doctor. Please see attached medical advisory and ER papers.

Thank you,
Ned

Diarrhea Excuse for Work Letter

Got a bad tummy ache? Diarrhea is a serious emergency, don't try to hold it in, you might just skid your pants. Get off work now with the proper excuse letter!
 
Dear Davy,

I'll try my best to get to work today. I got a bad case of the squirts. I ate a bad taco on the way here and nearly drove myself off the highway. I'm going back home to weather this stomach flu. Please let the guys know, my cellphone line is open all day.

Tommy